The Conflict Nobody Wants in the New Year: Family Estate Disputes

A sudden death at 39 reveals why estate planning matters at every age. Learn how proper planning protects your family from financial chaos and uncertainty.

When adult siblings come together to care for aging parents, something unexpected often happens. Instead of bringing families closer, the experience frequently exposes old wounds and creates new rifts that never fully heal. What should be a time of unity becomes a source of lasting conflict. With over 37 million Americans providing unpaid eldercare , these painful dynamics play out across the country every single day. And while you may be focused on caring for your own parents right now, there's an uncomfortable truth you need to face: someday, your children might be in this exact position, trying to coordinate your care. The question is, will you leave them a roadmap or a minefield? Why Family Caregiving Brings Out the Worst in Siblings When adult children must coordinate care for aging parents, even the most harmonious families can find themselves in conflict. One sibling often ends up shouldering most of the burden, either because they live closest, lack other family obligations, or simply feel they have no choice. Meanwhile, other siblings may remain distant, physically or emotionally, leaving one person to manage the daily challenges alone. The resentment that builds isn't really about logistics. According to experts in family psychology, caregiving can trigger long-dormant family dynamics. Questions that were never resolved suddenly demand answers: Who was the favorite child? Who always got more attention? Who was expected to carry more responsibilities while others got a free pass? These aren't new wounds. They're old ones, reopened under the stress and exhaustion of caregiving. Think about your own family for a moment. Are there unresolved tensions lurking beneath the surface? Unequal treatment that was never addressed? Resentments that have been quietly building for decades? If so, the pressure of caring for aging parents will almost certainly bring them roaring back to life. Some adult children find themselves confronting family patterns they've tolerated their whole lives, but can no longer accept as caregivers. Others discover that siblings they thought they knew reveal unexpected sides of themselves under pressure. And many realize too late that assumptions about who would help and how much were never actually discussed - leaving everyone frustrated and disappointed. But here's the part most people miss while they're caught up in managing their parents' care: this isn't just about the present. The way you and your siblings navigate this challenge is setting the stage for how your own children will handle your care someday.

For decades, I’ve worked for my family's funeral business. We emphasized the "fun" in funerals to highlight that funerals are about celebrating the beautiful life of loved ones as they have passed on. Jokes aside, the loss and grieving of a family member are extremely difficult and taxing experiences to go through. I’ve seen firsthand how the absence of clear guidance can compound that burden for the people left behind. There is nothing more gratifying than serving families in need during such profound and challenging life transition. After law school, I worked for boutique firms litigating against Fortune 500 companies for illegal business practices but ended up working for one of the largest law firms defending the same companies in high stakes class action litigation at $720/hour (or $12/minute!). The work tested me intellectually but felt devoid of purpose and was far from the kind of meaningful practice I’d envisioned – connecting with people and their families, creating lifelong relationships with them and protecting their legacy. Eight years later, after the birth of my third child, I could no longer sustain 80-hour workweeks while raising a family. The importance of planning became even more personal when a close friend with two minor children died without an estate plan. I witnessed firsthand the chaos and heartbreak his family endured as they were dragged through the courts for years—and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars due to the absence of a financial inventory, including his cryptocurrency holdings. That experience prompted me to leave Big Law and open my own estate planning practice. I now serve families in my community because I deeply care about what happens to them—and I’m committed to ensuring that what happened to my friend’s family doesn’t happen to anyone else’s. 

Like buying a cheap car, bargain-priced or DIY estate planning can leave your loved ones stranded without protection when they need it the most. Cost is an understandable concern, especially for legal services. The lowest price, however, often carries the highest and hidden costs in the end – both financially and emotionally. Here’s why a comprehensive Life & Legacy Plan® is worth the investment instead.

Picture this: life takes an unexpected turn, and you’re suddenly unable to care for your children. Every parent’s greatest fear is something happening to them before their kids are grown — and yet, most haven’t taken the right legal steps to make sure their children would be raised by the people they trust most. Many parents assume that naming guardians in their will is enough to keep their kids safe. Unfortunately, that’s not always true. Without a complete guardianship plan, your children could face unnecessary uncertainty, family conflict, or even temporary placement with people you don’t know. If something happened tomorrow, who would care for your kids immediately? Would the authorities know your wishes — or would your children end up in the care of strangers until the courts decided?  You can prevent that outcome. By working with an estate planning attorney who focuses on families, you can put a clear, legally binding guardianship plan in place that protects your children in every possible scenario — and gives you true peace of mind.